It’s National Coming Out Day bitches!

Celebrate your gay straight queer bi trans inter poly pan demi a sexual self.

Read this article I wrote for an amazing website on the ins and outs of being out!

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The coming out process is as diverse and unique as the individuals experiencing it. For a few of us, it’s like ripping off a band-aid: mildly painful, but quick. For most of us, however, it’s a continual process of unwrapping a gauze that encircles all aspects of our lives. Sometimes we are pushed out of the closet by external circumstances. At other times, we simply put one foot in front of the other and walk out on our own.

Others of us don’t come out until the pain of “staying in” has become unbearable.

Your vagina called…

Here’s what it wants you to know, like yesterday… 

I hear about body shame, eating disorders, chronic dieting, and body dysmorphia on an almost daily basis in my psychotherapy practice. Seems like everyone with a heartbeat and a Facebook account thinks that their thighs are too big. Somehow, fitting in with our peers is predicated on fitting into our skinny jeans. This is sad and it is dangerous. The emotional byproducts of negative body image are poor self-esteem, isolation, self-neglect and a hungry loneliness that’s never quite satisfied. 

If we take a page from almost any ladymag, we end up with more than tips on how to f*ck like a vampire or undress for success. It’s an oversimplification for sure, but without proper community and self-support, internalized messages from popular culture can turn us into bullies against our own bodies. 

And these days, our vaginas are next on the hit list.   

Let Go, Let Gosling

Lessons on acceptance from the coolest guy alive.

Screw the Dalai Lama. It’s true that His Holiness is a smart and peace loving man who’s dedicated his life to non-violence, inter-religious understanding and universal responsibility. Sure, he became the first Nobel Laureate to be recognized for his concern for global environmental problems. He looks great in varied shades of red and orange. I’ll give you that. 

But can he be hot and cute at the same time? Did he win the MTV Movie Award for a smoking kiss, opposite her majesty Rachel McAdams? Is he an accomplished jazz musician who turned down the chance to become a Backstreet Boy? 

I think we can all agree that the answer is no.

It’s my professional responsibility to disclose my bias towards Mr. Gosling. By that I mean that I’m actively looking to purchase Ryan Gosling day of the week underwear. I mean that I want to drench him in sugar-free maple syrup, cover him in glitter and take him to a gay rave where we vogue till 3am with no one but each other.

I’m referring to the fact that I’d like nothing more than to mate him with a miniature schnauzer so I can possess the cutest thing in all of creation. 

True That!

Did you know that authenticity has been linked to having a totally awesome life?  Things like well-being, self-esteem, positive affect, hope for the future, creativity, quality of relationships, and reduced negative affect have all been connected with high levels of authenticity. (Harter, 2002; Kernis & Goldman, 2005a; Sheldon et al., 1997). Inauthenticity, however, is linked to despair and a closet full of clothes you don’t really like…. 

How your red flags will keep you together forever!

Let’s be honest. Most of us have an ongoing list of reasons that WE JUST KNOW, render us utterly undatable, keeping us lonely forever. 

My list may or may not include items such as: 

• Not exactly over my ex. 
• I’m a total know it all. 
• Violently competitive. 
• Inexplicable need to use foul language around children. 

If you’re like me, you keep the list in your wallet so you can show dates when there’s an awkward silence over dinner. 

Others take another route, and try to hide these qualities, feeling ashamed or embarrassed of them. This plan often back-fires somewhere around the 4th month of the relationship, in which words like “sister wife,” “sleep apnea machine,” or “family week at rehab,” enter the daily lexicon of the relationship, to your partner’s astonishment and probable disappointment.